Oooh -- She said ...

That's what it felt like at the yard company today.   So I voiced some minor discomfort about addressing a particularly touchy situation with a client and before I could wash my hands after using the bathroom the little snitch had gone running to tell everyone in hearing distance that the Cube Jockette wasn't comfortable talking to a customer.  First of all, that's not what I said.  If you're going to go running to snitch, tell the whole story.   What I said was given the massive screw-up misunderstanding that had occurred with this particular customer, I felt like somebody higher than me needed to be dealing with or guiding me on how to handle sensitive issues until the mess is smoothed over.

But noooo .... just like Faux News, she only reported half the damn conversation.  Unfortunately, I can't address it with her now or else I'll come off as the "angry co-worker with an attitude problem" (to be addressed at my performance evaluation) attacking poor little Sally who was just trying to help.   She wasn't trying to help.  She was trying to instigate mess.  I see you Sally.

Listen up fellow Cube Jockeys ... we ain't shit.  We can be replaced as easily as we change our socks.  You don't think so?  Ask all the "high level" cube jockeys waiting for their unemployment checks as their jobs were phased out and sent overseas or just flat out eliminated in the name of the corporate bottom line.   I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can die tomorrow and the company will go on (sending flowers to the funeral, of course). 

Y'all better recognize.   Stirring up drama is not going to make you more valuable.  It's going to make your co-workers hate your damn guts and have you wondering why no one wants to team up with you on the fake "team building" exercises we have to suffer through. 

Did you not learn in elementary school?  Have you never seen Dennis the Menace?

or Leave it To Beaver

.
Yeah, I see you.

Boss+Tool+Facebook=Fired

You have a bad day at work. You come home and log onto Facebook thinking you'll let off some steam to 400 of your dearest friends. You write that the boss and CEO is a tool (along with other choice names that I won't repeat here). You name the name of the company in your status update so that it automatically shows up on the community page the company has set up to comb Facebook for comments. You are surprised that you "your services are no longer needed". Are you freakin kidding me?

So once again, here are some basic rules to follow for this day and age of the social media world:

• Do Not "Friend" Co-Workers: I'll say it again, all co-workers are not friends. Some are just co-workers who are trying to get that cubicle with the extra file drawers that you're sitting in or just wanna score some suck up points. They will turn on your ass in a minute. You've been warned. If you MUST keep in contact with these people, there's an app for that -- it's called LinkedIn. Keep it professional and drama free. Keep our Facebook page for your "real" friends and family. I don't even put work details in my Facebook profile and if a co-worker does send me a request, I politely explain that I prefer to connect with my colleagues through LinkedIn. If, in the rare instance that I make a true "friend" (defined as I can cry, pout, or call you in the middle of the night without fear of reprisal), then, and only then will we be Facebook friends.
  

• Check Your Privacy Settings: This is primarily for Facebook as they seem to change every freaking week. Just do it.
  

• Do not use the company computer: Especially during work hours. More and more companies are monitoring your usage of social media during work hours. They don't believe we can multi-task so to eliminate the drama just use your phone (keep it on vibrate or silent). If you must check in on work computer, do it during what is obviously lunch time.
  

• Multiple Accounts are your friend: Especially on The Twitter. I have a "professional" twitter account which is under my real name and tied to my LinkedIn profile . I also have another twitter account which is my "have fun" account. I feel freer to tweet political opinions, cuss, nonsense, TV shows, books, etc. It's not guaranteed to keep my real identify 100% secret but the two accounts are separate and with any luck, I hope the two never mix. Keep in mind, I'm not being a total ass under that account, I'm a nice person for the most part that likes to shout out my frustrations for the world to see. But at least I feel like I can "turn off" the work voice and not worry if someone's going to judge me professionally by the reality TV shows I'm addicted to.
  

• Keep Your Company Name Out of it: Unless you're a designated public representative of the company, I really don't see why you're referencing your company in your tweets or status updates anyway. Yes, your friends may know where you work, but is really necessary to point that out in your updates?
  

That's all I've got. Any more suggestions for minimizing your company's involvement in your social media world?

If You're Old Enough to Drink It ...

Do you drink coffee while you're dwelling at your Castle of Cubes? Nice hot cup to get your day started? Maybe you have a routine ... log on the network, rinse your mug? Grab a muffin from the vending machine or do you bring one in with you? Well listen up fellow Cube Jockeys -- unless there is a designated coffee maker on staff, if you drink coffee, you need to learn how to make it!

I know we're all busy ... reading/writing emails, putting out fires, handling customers/clients, answering phones, running reports -- doing what we do. Seriously, are we so busy that we can't take 30 seconds to push the "start" button when we empty the coffee pot?

Most offices have some kind of coffee station or a community coffee pot. If we're really lucky, the company will spring for a vending company to supply us with free coffee to keep us fueled throughout the day. Lord knows it's not the work that's going to keep us stimulated and energized throughout the day -- but I digress. What is it about some of us that keeps us from dropping a filter in the basket and pushing start? You know who you are or who your resident Cube Jockeys are that will empty the pot and walk away. Is it laziness? Rudeness? Some passive aggressive attempt to exert your perceived self-importance? Or is it you truly don't know how to make it? Whatever it is you need to stop.

We're locked in the Castle of Cubes for at least eight hours a day; four of those hours are spent drinking coffee (we tend to stop after lunch). The least we can do is exercise some common courtesy with each other. It's simple -- if you empty the pot (and less than a 1/4 cup left constitutes emptying so don't try that "it's not empty" crap to excuse yourself), you need to take 30 seconds to start another one. If you truly don't know how, then ask someone. You'll be surprised at how easy it is. Plus, you'll feel better knowing you did something that won't get put in your performance review but will keep you from being known as the resident jerk.

If you're old enough to drink it, you're old enough to make it.

Get Over Yourself - No Seriously

Listen up fellow cube jockeys -- it' not that serious. Unless you're a cube jockey working in some capacity where you actually have a direct or indirect impact to saving someone's life, you really need to put it in check. Yes, I'm talking to you.

I know you've got seniority and you probably have a title with "Senior" in front of some made up title that your company gave you but you're still just a cog in the corporate wheel. You can drop dead tomorrow and 99% of the time the company will continue on. Your family will get some flowers and some co-workers may come to your memorial service, but trust me, the company or department will not shut down without you.

So what am I saying? I'm saying loosen up. Laugh a little. If the printer gets jammed or the computer freezes up, that is no reason in the world for you to go into panic mode. NONE. It will get fixed and you can continue moving that paper to the next cog in the wheel.

Being a cube jockey is not a glamorous position. If truth be told, nothing we do or don't do has that big of an impact on the world. Yes, our jobs are necessary evils in the jungle known as Corporate America but cube jockeys should NOT be more stressed than brain surgeons. Working 16 hours a day does not make us more valuable to the company -- it just causes folk to continue dumping way too much work on you.

So just chill a little. Work hard. Do your best. Then go home to your real life. That cubicle ain't it.

It's On Now

My first post in what will be known as the Cube Jockey Chronicles. I don't know why I didn't start this blog before. After 30 years of working in some capacity in Corporate America, I figure it's time to have a place where I can ponder the bull shiggity that I've witnessed over the years. The good, bad, and the truly WTF moments that have sent me home shaking my head plenty of times.

I've got a ton of thoughts running through my head. Hope you'll join me as I ponder.